I wish I could teleport
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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