we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
