at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
