if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
