i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
