If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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