I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
