first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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