did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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