a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
