One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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