My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
