Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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