Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
