its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
