Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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