he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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