"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
