omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
