I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
