Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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