Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
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