WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
