I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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