apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
