And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
