Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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