listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
