You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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