I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
