he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
