what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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