His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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