SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize