i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
