WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
