jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
