weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
