I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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