nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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