you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
