i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Randomize
