He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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