he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
