Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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