you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
