Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize
