She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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