farters have to be the big spoon...
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
