trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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