Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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