We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
