I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
