I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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