Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
