well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
