Me. At least after what I've been through.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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