Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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