I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
