Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
