Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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