I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
