How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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