I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
