Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
