If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize