After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
