Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
