Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
