Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
