we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
